Jun 03 04:04:31 105 PA

From Chronicles

The current game time is: Wed Jun 03 04:04:31 105 PA.

A light misty rain decends from the sky, rendering this rarely visted place a ghost yard of sorts. Few people ever want to visit a graveyard when it's gloomy and raining outside. Yet, there are some exceptions. And one of them happens to be Kesslan.

Gone is the armor, gone too, are the weapons. The only other time he'd ever been this way out in public was when he was in the gym, but now.. now things have changed. If this is a lasting change or not, has yet to be seen, but it speaks volumes about the feline kneeling uppon both knees before the vault. One hand resting uppon each knee, the rain soaking through both clothing and fur. Indeed, so still is he like this that from a distance, were it not for those clothes, one might momentarily think him a statue, for not even the tail moves.

Truth be told, this was the last place Desmond expected to find anything, but he's tried near every place else. After Aimee showed him the note and the knife, he'd been canvassing the city on his off hours. Looking here, looking there, rechecking every place he knows Kesslan would be. Indeed, he'd come to the graveyard itself only because he hadn't looked there in the last two days. The misting rain is something he ignores, moving through the silent place steadily. He knows Kesslan well enough to recognize the feline from a distance right off the bat, pausing a good dozen meters off as he notes his state. Without his trademark kit. This brings a deep frown to the big male, but he resolves to approach. Doing so silently until he nears, standing behind just a handful of feet. "Kesslan." His deep voice is solemn. Concerned. He watches the smaller feline closely, as if looking for clues to his state in every aspect of his person.

The pantheran doesnt so much as twitch, indeed, save for the ears, there is not a single sign otherwise that he's noticed that Desmond has approached. An initial swivel to better catch the sound, and at the sound of that voice. That oh so familar voice, a downward turning and flattening of those ears. But he does not turn, he does not shift his position, he merely remains as he is, staring straight ahead towards the tomb. Not even a word of reply is given, for, in part, the feline before Desmond had been dreading this moment to an extent.

Desmond waits for several long moments before he will speak again. "I believe I know how you feel. In part, at least. I cannot say I fully understand why it all happened. The moment was important, that much I am sure. But I want to understand." His words given steadily, not a hint of negativity to be found, though there is a carefulness about them. "We got your letter, Aimee and I. But we could not read it. And the money.. you know she will not accept it. How she is about such things." A pause, considering what more to say.

There's a continued silence to those words, and for a long moment it seems as if to this too, Kesslan would not reply. But finally, speak he does. "It is oath of blood Desmond." Kesslan says, softly at first. "Money is only atonment I have left, lest it is my life blood she seeks." there is no bitterness to these words, merely a saddened acceptance of things. "In times past, uppon Sirev, in such a thing the elders seek I would." he goes on to explain, still softly, still slowly. "For our ways I have lost in true, in full." a long pause after this, before he finally asks "Why in this, in my shame come you to seek I?"

Desmond frowns darkly at the talk of life blood. "Aimee would seek no such thing," he states unequivocally. "I seek you because I wish to understand what happened. And to fix what has been weakened by this." He steps forward smoothly, dipping to a knee behind Kesslan, his voice lowering to something more personal. "I guessed you might seek to atone for what has happened. I want you to know that there is no need with regard to me. Several mistakes were made, not just by you. Aimee too feels responsible for what occurred. But to look for blame to take.. it does nothing to fix, only to feed division. I do not wish is to be divided by this.. it is a trial to face and defeat, to make we three all the stronger." Tiamat has arrived.

"No." Comes that word, with such finality. "It is more than understand you Desmond." Kesslan adds, almost cringing away from the larger feline as he kneels down nearby. "Division in this has allways there been between. Understand I not of her kind, understand and accept not her kind does not of us. Least of all her." he says with a softer tone, another pause before he continues "Near her again I shall not willingly go again, untill such time as both full understanding and acceptance is, and that within me is never again able to be let loose. It is not of cruel I do this. It is of care. While a sacred thing disrupted was, not still was my reaction acceptable. But stop it not I could."

Desmond frowns deeply at that and states almost at once, "How can there be understanding if you will not go to her?" A firm sort of demand given in that. "I understand what you wish to do.. to guard her from that which happened.. to not let it happen again. But this is too much, Kesslan. You can come to understand ten humans here and not fully understand her.. all of them are different. She so much more so than most." Despite the cringe, he reaches out to lay a hand on Kesslan's shoulder, giving it a companionable squeeze. "There are means to protect against another such happening, if the last is remembered.. learned from. Separation prevents this."

That touch earns a true cringe, a notable resistance "Understanding between later must be." He ssays simply "Lost my people have I. Lost my way have I now, soon perhaps in self I loose." he says, his voice leaving no room for argument. "On oath of blood this has been sworn, on this for honor alone I -will not break-. Family and Clan I shall not dishonor further." his voice carrying not only a hard edge, but a hint of anger, though at whom, or what may not be fully clear. "Untill again this ancient thing within me is tame once more, I shall not see her."

Desmond breathes out a low, deep sigh. "Very well then," he rumbles, giving in to at least one aspect for now. "I will look to make her understand this. I do understand.. but I wonder how you mean to do this." His hand does not move. Kess might be apart from Aimee for a while, but Des seems unwilling to let himself be placed at a distance. "I will help you, if I can. I want to help you, Kesslan. I don't wish you to isolate yourself again.. I want to remind you that there are those who care for you. Though Aimee was frightened, she still cares for you. I can see it in her."

"As have said. Not for lack of care of that do this I. Is for care of that I do what must. Such is our way..." a pause then "Such, is my way. Such is all have I left, all have I know. If this much I have not, then nothing have I at all." Kesslan says flatly, still shying away from that touch, that hand uppon his shoulder. "For too much have I lost to ever regain."

"I accept your care, Kesslan. But just as that time showed, I can guard myself from you when it is a matter of strength to strength." A simple truth, though Desmond adds, "You did test me then.. it is a rare thing. You have much endurance." His fingers relaxing to give a firm pat to Kesslan's shoulder. "I don't understand, however, what you lose by my aid.. is it not proper for one's comrade to render assistance in a time of need? Even if it is in simple ways?"

There is a bitter snort at that, a slight turn to the head, but not towards Desmond, if anything, it's away from the other feline. "What aid for what is allready lost can offer you? Intent in you is good but help there is not left. From me the Atorian took family, killed. Murdered. From my people they took me, from our ways. In this then I shall never true know of all our ways. Taken then from the Atorian was I by Clan Jarr-Kath. But returned not was I do what clan and family I had left. Kept instead, then given away to council. Council that itself looses way of pepole so that survive we may. Council that then order, then send away we whom are lost to fate unknown, many to death. Their reasons I understand, I accept. Their methods born of desperate and their intent just. Their means simply what is what must be done. But in the doing, all has been lost. Self only then had I, then chance for more have I, yet self too I begin to loose. If this too gone then there is nothing."

Desmond listens to this quietly, indeed considering how he can render aid. He, who has never known such things as Kesslan has lost. He muses this quietly for a few moments before he hearkens back to words shared with Kesslan long before.. nearly forgotten over time. "Perhaps we can make new ways. When there is no past way.. or the past ways are lost, what path is there but to forge anew? When there is no family to be had, make anew.. with you and with Aimee." His fingers grip firmly again. "You have dwelled long on loss. I understand it, but to dwell there for all your days.. it is no life for anyone. Not one I would see you linger in. I know you would prefer to know the ways of your people.. but for now that path seems one blocked. To batter against a path that cannot be walked for the moment is wasteful when there are other options.. other paths and those who would walk them with you."

"To what end Desmond? I would only loose it all again. Such is my fate it seems at every turn." Kesslan says softly. His head lowering slightly, joints creaking in protest at finally being shifted to such a degree after hours of silent stiff vigil in this rainy weather. All the weariness and cold finally starting to sink into the feline's mind, body slowly starting to shiver a little. Further pops and creaking protest of joints as he begins to stand, finally at long last starting to think of finding shelter from the cold rain. "If not for others, then from self. I know not how to deal with the anger within anymore. Know not how to deal with the hurt."

Desmond too rises, his hand slipping away as both do so. But he remains close and his words come without pause. "That you seek to atone shows you have not lost what is important. Your honor remains. Bruised, perhaps, but not broken." The big male will circle then, looking to move around and face Kesslan. Speaking as he goes. "To control what is within us is not easy. I do not assume my own are controlled.. only unprovoked. I often set my thoughts inward, seeking what peace might push such things away entirely. It is not something that will come easy or quick, thus it is folly to push yourself away from those who care for you because of it. Better it will be to take in what love is offered to you, for I offer it and I know Aimee still holds it. She will be uncertain for a time, but that too will fade. And together we can seek to leash what is within. To use it and not be used by it."

Kesslan shifts away from Desmond however, refusing to so much as risk meeting the other feline's gaze at this point. A turn then to start perhaps heading the other way, unsure either way of where he intends to go, or what he really intends to do. "Not think this can be. As have say, oath of blood has been sworn. This thing, it may not be broken. CAN NOT be broken." apparently there's at least some part he remains amandant about. "Even if wished this thing, would not do. Only glad be that was not oath of life blood, for such would not broken be save by death itself."

Desmond frowns faintly at this and steps towards Kesslan, an arm extended to grip Kesslan's own firmly. Communicating a desire that Kesslan not leave. Not yet. "Tell me then, the precise tenants of this oath. If that was the letter that you left, nether Aimee nor I understand it." A pause before he adds, "Nor am I pleased that you would make an oath that seals you away from the two of us, if that is what this is. I will not let you isolate yourself, Kesslan. No matter what, this will not happen." He has his own firmness in this.

Kesslan attempts to pull away from or avoid this however, not wishing to risk even this further contact for he knows full well how it might risk weakening his resolve. "Know this. But is thing that had to be written by one who swears oath. And know not I your words written yet." He says on the matter of the letter itself. "Allready say how break, but truth in that is not as strong as would be were it thing understood by Aimee. Further still that I suffer the dishonor that she not accept offering." there is a pause then "It is a great dishonor, and I am left unkowning of what else to do other than follow the oath given."

"You place me in a difficult position, Kesslan," Desmond states firmly, relenting to the evasion, yet he will remain near Kesslan. He's not done. "I do not wish to break the customs you adhere to, but my own honor will not allow me to let you grow distant. Though my respect for you is great, I don't believe you will solve this alone. And I would be negligent in my duty to you as a friend were I to let you grow isolated." His frown deepens a bit before he dares suggest, "Perhaps it is time to let go of what is past. In part at least. You say you will not break and I know you are strong, but there are many ways of breaking that can effect the strongest amongst us. Especially when there is naught but your own thoughts to go by, without the touch of those who care to give perspective."

"And if such happens then I shall simply end up as this one has." Kesslan says, motioning to the tomb. "It is one thing we seem to share, we Pantherans and these Humans." Kesslan says with a slightly defeated tone. "I knew him not well, but we both fought for the same thing if not for same reasons." Still refusing to turn to face Desmond, indeed too ashamed still to do so. "At least then I would perhaps find a peace I seem unable to find in life. For I do not belive those such as I can ever know a peaceful death. Not in times of war."

A deep rumble comes from Desmond a moment before he steps in toward Kesslan, another firm grip coming. But this one won't be easily denied. The big male's grip tight on his arm.. almost painful. Pulling Kesslan back a step, yanking to the side to turn him in part. His other hand up to grip the opposing arm before pivoting, actually lifting Kesslan briefly from the ground to better turn and shove him back firmly against the stone of the tomb. Firm, but not damaging. The big male's dark face set into a tight firmness. "He died a fool, Kesslan," Desmond rumbles, truly angry in this moment. "For the right reasons, perhaps, but acting the fool. Charging forth without allies at his back. Isolated and thus weakened. Easy prey. Indeed, the same path you follow now. Isolating yourself from those who would care for you, would aid you against this enemy inside. One who truly understands.. more than anyone who has not known the same dark whispers.. the fire that turns all before one's eyes red. The whispers that, unchallenged, seduce so easily." His jaw sets and his grip tightens for a moment. "I will not let you make that same mistake."

There's no fight from the smaller feline in this however, but there's still an aversion of his gaze. Still refusing to meet Desmond eye to eye. Indeed, Desmond will note that the pantheran is now quite cold to the touch, note the simple quivering of the body that is the barely restrained shivering from the cold and the hours of enduring a constant downpour of rain. Wet through and through. And completely unwilling to put up much even a token fight so far. "So? What is left? Allready control I lost once, allready I have hurt those I wished not. Allready I have lost all that I cared for, not even gained sometimes that which I did." there's not even a spark of defiance left in his words at the moment "I've dishonored all that I held dear, and for a time lost even myself. There is nothing else for me to loose save life itself. And what is that worth when one has allready left themselves with nothing?"

Desmond stares hard at Kesslan, even if his gaze won't be met. "Lost all? Do you see me here before you? Do you hear my words? Do you feel my touch?" His anger lingers through those firm words, but the feel of Kesslan softens it. The anger flowing out of him and he pulls Kesslan towards him, wrapping his arms around the smaller male. "So too I have lost myself before. Dishonored the request of she who died for me for a time. But just as I came back to myself, so too have you. There is always redemption. There is acceptance. There is always something to reach for. There are those who will reach to you. Will you deny them? Will you deny me?"

To this too there is no fight from Kesslan, nor however is there the usual return of affection however. Or, at least not at first.

Slowly, bit by bit the smaller feline's head at least comes to rest against Desmond's chest, though he still refuses to meet the larger male's gaze. The pantheran falling into a long moment of silence, the shivering growing and shrinking bit by bit, in low waves as he's both warmed by the contact and furhter affected by the cold at the same time. Indeed at this point he's sort of like holding a half drowned rat. "Why? What worth of there is left to reach for?"

"You live. And there are those who reach out to you. In that, there is always hope," Desmond states. "Your mind is your own, your honor remains, proven by your own actions. Wrongs there will always be.. even I misstep. But there is forgiveness. There is the future." He slowly starts to rub his hands along Kesslan's back and arms. Concerned with the chill in him. "I would help you.. we two can help each other in this. I too remain concerned for my own brushes with the same demon. It might not seem so, but I am always concerned with my control.. with mastering myself. Let me help you, Kesslan. Allow Aimee to give her own forgiveness in time. Don't lock us away."

"I know not what else to do." Kesslan says to that rather lamely. What resolve he had left finally starting to crumble in the face of the simple truth before him. And while there are things Desmond is not used to, it seems on a social level there is so much more he -is- used to that the pantheran is not. That now openly shivering feline finally accepting of the comfort offered for what it simply is, for there never was any true desire to fight it really. Just.. a gaping sense of loss, one that still obviously lingers. Old wounds laid bare.

"That is where those who would offer their assistance come in." Desmond breathes out lowly then and shakes his head. "But we should save this talk for a later time. You have been out here too long and I do not wish you to sicken." He squeezes the smaller feline, then leans back just a bit. "Let us get you to your abode. Get you warmed. You should rest for a time. We can speak again.. I will go to Aimee and speak with her. The events of that day have touched her deeply. But she will recover in time. As will you find a clarity in time. And what has been weakened will be strong again. That is the way of family, is it not? And we would reach for that."

Ironically now Kesslan finds himself not wishing to pull away, as if all of this were simply an illusion that would dissapear into the void as soon as he did so. To be lost like all the other things in his life. But then what is life without risks? A life of risking loosing that which you care about by doing nothing. And so, slowly he does pull away if allowed. "Still must she come to accept certain things." he says plainly then, still not quite daring to meet Desmond in the eye. "While learn must I to accept her way, her nature. So too must she accept that thing there is of I that cannot change I."

Desmond allows Kesslan to part from him physically, but he remains there. As large and as solid as ever. And concerned still as he listens to the words given. "That is a fair thing. I think it is past time that the two of you speak at length on the ways of your people. That she better know you. I have suggested it before.. lighter than I do now. Perhaps I should have been more firm on that. But again, blame is not something to seek in the now. Understanding is."

"There is no blame when both are to be." Kesslan says at that, no malice, no real.. strength behind the words. Simply a weary statement of fact. SLowly now the drenched feline begins to make his way home. Having to deal with all the rain on the way wont help things terribly much as far as his quest to finally warm himself up again goes, but at least he's finally doing it.

Desmond simply nods at that and, finally, has no more to add. For his part, he will go with Kesslan. All the way back to his place, where he will see that he's comfortable and warming, going so far as to go out and fetch the makings of hot cocoa, another something Aimee has shown him over time. A pleasant beverage for moments of chill, the process of making such things revealed and enough makings for several cups left with Kesslan for his use in the immediate.

For his own part, Kesslan still seems slightly out of sorts really. THough his trailer in the dregs is as neat and tidy as it allways is. Things, however are notably in the process of being packed up. Something that will be explained off as that Kesslan had finally decided to move. Where to, he's not certain. But he's no longer of a state of mind to remain here in this tiny place when he can afford a considerable better one elsewhere. A pause from the pantheran before Desmond leaves. "Thank for friend still be Desmond." is all he says in parting. Only finally now daring to meekly meet the other feline's gaze.

Desmond will meet Kesslan's eyes then, having reiterated his need to speak to Aimee. So too mention of new work, though he seems in too much a hurry to define it just yet. And, perhaps, wanting Kesslan to rest for later discussion of such mundane things. Kesslan will find, in Desmond's gaze, that nothing has changed. How the big male looked at him before remains. Care. Concern. Nothing dark, nothing dismissive. "I have few enough as good as you, Kesslan. Few I trust more, despite what flaws there are. I am not one to turn away from those who are important to me." A pause before he offers, "Rest well, Kesslan. I will seek you again soon. We shall discuss many things then." He seems apt to say more, but thinks better of it after a moment and shakes his head slightly. "We will attend to that in the future."

"Untill again we meet then, may your claws stay sharp and your prey plentiful." Kesslan says in parting to that. Still shvering slightly at this point, but indeed slowly warming now that he's in some warm, dry clothes. Or well.. more of a bath robe really to soak the rest of the cold water away from his fur once he's undressed and mostly dry again. Falling silent then for lack of knowing what else to say, and having been left with much more to ponder.Tags:desmond, kesslan