Jul 10 23:54:59 106 PA - On Balance and The Way
From Chronicles
The current game time is: Sun Jul 10 23:54:59 106 PA.
Library. The final frontier. These are the voyages of - erm. Few people around at this late time, though Alistair has apparently decided to stick around, potentially annoying a librarian or two. He quietly studies a book at one of the tables present, taking notes. There's also a small stack of books nearby, likely part of the subject matter at hand.
Desmond comes from the garden's entrance at a smooth and steady clip, clad in his usual denim garb. Little seems to change about him, including the expression he wears, balanced in that neutral place without outward emotional display. He holds no book or other artifice outside of his usual garb and there is a serene air about him, ears relaxed back a bit, tail swaying smoothly behind as he moves through the library itself. His eyes flit about, considering the low population of the library itself, his slow pace allowing him to take it all in.
Ema strolls through the library looking very much like someone else, clad in worn brown leather boots, brown stockings and a yellow sundress, her short hair died a platinum blond, and is twisted in small springy curls. She's carrying quite a few books in her arms, which is more usual, and her eyes seem to bounce over the few guests of the library, more than one she recognizes.
Alistair makes an 'aaaah' sound as he leans back, taking a break for a moment apparently. He exhales and looks about a moment later; when he sees people he recognizes, looking his way no less, he smiles and waves, "Hello!" he greets, potentially earning a stare or two. Not that anyone could really be angry with him, could they?
Desmond spies Emayn before he does Alistair. His brow creasing just slightly at the radical change of garb. Something he muses a few moments before Alistair's 'hello' gets his attention, ears flicking towards a moment after. He considers the man a moment before turning to approach him. "Good evening," the big male rumbles deeply once he's drawn near enough for a more discreet sharing of words.
Ema's long strides shorten, her gait becoming less bouncy as her pace slows. She doesn't immediately head over to the large cat that she keeps finding herself bumping into, but her orbit of the sitting area does angle her a bit closer. She wears a smile on her face as she weaves her way through the desks, making her way to a table close, but not next, to the two men.
Alistair nods to Desmond, "How do you do?" he inquires - the books are apparently on a subject called 'Operations Research', whatever that might be, and his notes are likely not understandable by those untrained in matrix manipulations or other ... things. He glances at Emayn for a moment, blinking his eyes and then he looks back to desmond, "Would you like to sit? What brings you to the library so late?" he asks.
"I am quite well," Desmond replies to Alistair. "I have just finished a period of seeking my center. It has been.. fruitful," he decides. His head turns towards Emayn and should she be looking his way at that point, he will dip his head in a slight nod, then turn back to Alistair, moving around to claim one of the chairs at the table. His eyes moving over Alistair's choice of books as he asks, "What is it you seek to learn this day?"
Ema places her books down on the table, taking a second to shuffle through them, arranging them for a bit easier carry before scooping them up in her muscular arms, arms that seem a bit out of place in her summery dress. She doesn't seem to notice or care as she heads over to the two, interrupting with a nod towards Alistair, before looking up at Desmond, "Hunting for recipes?" she asks, more than a little tease.
"It's a-Hello" Alistair smiles as he's interrupted, but he doesn't seem to be keen on starting a shouting match of anything over it right now, rather he just cocks his brows up a little helplessly, the explanation probably still on the tip of his tongue.
"Not this evening. I have a recipe to make Eclairs which I recently discovered," Desmond replies to Ema. "It has been challenging, but I believe I am near to mastering it. Your new garb is.. interesting. Uncharacteristic." This noted without negative connotation in his smooth rolling voice. He then glances towards Alistair, wondering, "It is?"
"I'm interupting, aren't I?" Ema says, the look complete with reddening of her cheeks, though ever so slight, "I guess my manners still need more than a little work." she takes a hesitant step back before setting her load down on the table next to the two before pulling up a chair, "Mind if I sit here?"
Alistair looks from person to person and says, "If manners you seek then you did interrupt - please sit" he adds, smiling to her, and looking back to Desmond to explain: "It is more of a brush-up, it is a branch of mathematics used to make expenditure and manufacturing optimizations to get the best profit and loss, as well as available margins for maintaining a certain level of profit ... or loss, though I'm uncertain why one might want to do that" he muses on the latter.
"If you so wish, but there is little reason you cannot sit with us if you so desire," Desmond tells Ema calmly. "Perhaps you might share what insights you have gained in time." For he can assume that much safely. Alistair's explanation of what he's pursuing prompts a soft furrow of Desmond's brow. "Such complex means of mathematics I do not understand. It seems as though it might be useful, however, for one who helps to maintain a business if it pertains to profits."
Ema folds her arms atop her stack of books and leans against them, eyes moving from man to cat and back, "I think i'm a bit out of my depth in this conversation," she says, offering a small smile, "I've just been away for a bit, and was sorta lookin for conversation," smile becomes a grin, "Maybe the library wasn't the best place for that."
"Since I'm helping Cali witht he books I figured I'd take it a step further" Alistair blushes faintly, though he leaves the math talk at that. He glances to Emayn for a moment, "Oh, but it was only the first few sentences of conversation, you give up too quickly" he smiles, brows hiking up a touch.
Desmond looks to Emayn and shakes her head slightly. "There is no harm in seeking a new topic," he opines. "I don't believe advanced math is something I wish to delve too deeply into either. What is it you would like to talk about? I could offer much on cooking or art. Or offer in a lesser manner on whatever topic might suit your fancy." His attention lingers then, though just what goes on in that head of his isn't obvious.
"I find not asserting myself too much has made it easier to sleep, and made walking alone at night much less worrisome." she shrugs, the gesture exaggerated a bit by her posture as she leans on her books, "I guess I'd rather not presume, and I've been trying to think more about others. I guess I really don't care much what I talk about, at this point, at any rate, I've just found myself getting used to casual conversation, and miss it when I go a while without it.
Alistair blinks his eyes a little at Emayn, a touch lost for a moment. "Asserting yourself made it difficult to sleep?" he asks, potentially wondering the meaning of that statement. "Do you not like yourself?" he inquires, perhaps blatantly, but alltogether innocently.
"It seems you have had a deep revelation since we have spoken last." Desmond rumbles, the matter mused with some sober gravity. "Not the best topic now for something light, but perhaps later you might indulge me with it, if you would be so kind." His head dipped once before he asks, shifting the subject, "Have you found a means of expression yet? Art, cooking.. other such constructive pursuits? They can be most intriguing."
"I used to like myself just fine, but I found who i was was getting me into trouble." she looks over at alistair, her large black eyes attempting to hold his gaze, "And yes, knowing that people wouldn't mind taking a shot at me tends to make sleeping more dangerous than it has to be," she smirks once more, though it's a bit forced. She turns to Desmond and shrugs at him, her eyes closing and her head titling to complete the look, "I sorta decided to have myself be the canvas, and to try to see what I newness I can create with what I have."
Alistair isn't gaze-shy, or rather, he's more prone to blushing than averting his eyes. "Oh ... " is all he can say - he smiles sheepishly, not offering anything more to the conversation at this point now. The canvas things makes him blush for whatever reason now.
Desmond nods his head once. "Your new garb is favorable," he rumbles deeply. "It is not something I have considered before." an obvious thing, given what he always seems to wear at casual moments. "It does give your appearance a new impact. Softer, would be the proper word, I believe." His eyes move towards Alistair, considering him after the pause in his own speaking.
"Well thats a start, I guess." Ema says as her eyes dart back to Alistair, her smirk appearing for a moment at his blush, "Maybe I really am just a few steps away from that new and less abrasive Ema." she grins grins, resting her chin on her books, "Ah well, everything in time, right?"
Alistair nods his head slightly, and he continues to be silent for the time being, observing the conversation with some interest at least, though one might reasonably presume he's multitasking at this point.
"You were quite.. aggressive before," Desmond agrees. "Not an unfavorable attribute, but one that can easily work against you. It is a balance, like all other things in life. To embrace the positive without letting it grow too sharp, becoming a negative. Do not let your aggression slip away entirely. Only guide it as any other tool. The same is easily said of anger. A fortifying thing, but easily indulged too deeply in." Perhaps he'll talk about this stuff now.
"Oh this place will never take the animal out of me," and she smiles ferally as if to emphasize, eyes wide and mischievous, "But I just need to direct it better. I'm attempting to find a balance, by seeking out a new Day job, though, so we'll see how that goes." she shrugs, smile fading to something more neutral, "I think all emotions are sorta my issue, i've let them run me too long. I want to be more animal, in the end, as we've discussed, and act more on instinct, which is rarely wrong. Emotions tend to get me in tons of trouble. And I think thats true of alot more people around here than they'd let on" she smirks Ali's way before gazing out before her at nothing in paticular.
"Hm?" Alistair blinks his eyes at Emayn - rather innocently at that, though he obviously didn't miss the smirk directed at him. Be it that he missed the meaning or that he's unwilling to react to it, though, seems to leave his response plain and underwhelming. ANd probably cute.
"Instinct is, in some ways, as emotion is," Desmond opines. "While often right or at least worthy of being listened to, it too can be irrational.. unreasoning. A source of strength and weakness. It can see past what the intellect is fooled by. But so too it can be fooled and short sighted in it's vision, not listening to the wisdom of the intellect. The two must work in harmony.. a difficult balance to strike, but worthy to strive for." Quite interested in this line, obviously. Though an ear does remain twisted towards Alistair.
"Maybe, I guess I won't be closing anymore doors if I can help it. Intellect is too easy play with, to easy to manipulate though, I've found. Its much harder to defeat the millions of years of evolution that got me to this point. The twenty plus years of experiences that govern my "intellectual" growth," you can practically see the quotes as she speaks, "are much more likely to be wrong or misguided."
"Your intellectual growth is also part of the same evolution, with somewhat more short-term delevopment ability. I've not seen the appendix felled by evolution yet either" says Alistair, looking somewhat worried about .. something, as he explains this to Emayn, looking at her now.
"Instinct fools itself," Desmond offers. "It reacts without truly knowing. Initially, my instinct was that you were a threat. But reason trumps that. I have no doubt you can be dangerous, but to classify you too soon as a direct threat would be folly when that need not be the way of things. That is not to say I was not without caution. Both sides were weighed and from that action was taken." HIs hands lift, fingers meshing together before him as he notes, "Balance."
Ema looks over at Alistair and grins, "Evolution is process that takes place on a scale us humans can barely comprehend, and the vestigial apendix will eventually cease to grow in us, its a matter of time." she smirks, fingers drumming on the books before her, "Perhaps I should just try to focus on moderation for now, in all things. Finding a balance is a bit of an advanced technique."
"I believe you are in fact correct; you did fail to comprehend evolution" Alistair notes somewhat deadpan, looking even more worried now. He looks to Desmond as well, "I can understand people having problems with meditation, I mean, common sense begins to fail when they are distraught and they begin to rely solely on instinct, but ... "
"Balance is a thing that is strived for over a lifetime," Desmond rumbles deeply. "Each choice, every step is another one on that path." He pauses, looking towards Alistair. "Some, as for she and I, are more in touch with instinct than the average human," he notes. "Such determinations are not fitting for those who are in so attuned. The reliance is there already. It is a matter of taking a step back to control what is already there."
Ema's jaw tightens, the muscles below her cheek bones seeming to flex out a tad as she sits their considering, "I guess how you define living really matters in a conversation such as this. I've been a survivor for too long, and I guess the standards that exist in the city are still pretty foreign to me." She looks up once more, from one to the other, "I've decide to put my own evolutionairy gifts to use, though, in a way I'm not used too, even if I don't full understand them. Would you believe that one such as I, with obviously no scientific understanding of the human body, would be trying to find work as a doctor? Who'd have thought" she smirks, hoping to move away from a conversation she's a bit uncomfortable with.
"Balance, certainly" Alistair agrees, nodding his head. "I suppose so, it isn't like I can tell what you are thinking or feeling, so ... hm. Perhaps I am somewhat presumtuous in some ways" with that admission he then looks at Emayn and smiles, "That is a very worthy goal indeed. Have you found work? Is that what you are studying then, I mean, the books - are you trying to gian an understanding of the human body?"
Desmond looks to Ema and rumbles, "It is as unbelievable as that I, one trained to destroy, would find fulfillment in creation," he offers her. "In ways we are alike as we are different. It is an intriguing thing. It would be a constructive thing, which holds similarity as well."
Ema grins wickedly, "I have a very intuitive understanding, one that exceeds what is possible by most who have to rely on texts and experience for their skills. I've used my gifts for more selfish purposes in the past, and now I'm trying to find that balance and use them for others. I'm quite skilled already, but some book knowledge certainly wouldn't hurt, or so my theory goes. As far as fulfillment, who can say, I'm wanting to try, is all, and see what happens."
"Oooh" Alistair nods his head a little, and apparently has little or nothing to offer since this bond is being made between people who were apparently trained or driven to destroy. He smiles, and leans back a little.
"I believe that everyone seeks fulfillment. It is only a matter of what will serve that purpose," Desmond offers. "My own search, for now, has been successful. I believe you are closer on that search now. And I am curious what will finally provide to you that feeling." Perhaps not so subtle that request for sharing. "Though the experiences of another rarely hold all the answers that might be sought, but a chance to learn from another's insights is something that I try and not miss. THough my own search is, for now, fulfilled one can never be sure there is not something else to find. I made that mistake once, I would not do so again."
"If only opening a bar and living a quiet life was for me," Ema jokes, making a face, "I think I need more active role in my life, whatever it is I end up doing. It may be that sending wanted men to the hospital by night, and patching them up by day may be the balance i need." she smiles, looking over at Alistair once more, "At the very least, everyone respects a doctor, right? It'd take a dark sorta person to put a knife in the back of a surgeon."
"A respectable profession is a start; but it is you who must be respectable also. There is no need to grasp, you are trying to change things, and I'm certain that many support your endeavor. Where you go with it is up to you. As for taking an active role, that needn't be by the way of violence" Alistair points out, brows hiking up. "There are plenty of organizes sports events, even if they aren't quite as popular as this dead-ball" at least he doesn't seem to like it a whole lot. "And other things."
"Security is not a passive business," Desmond rumbles deeply. "Though I do not often guard personally, organizing and guiding those who do is far different from what I have done before." He glances towards Alistair and nods. "There are many things to be done. But one can only face a day at a time." He looks to Emayn. "If you ever wish to speak of such topics, I would offer what wisdom I have gained for myself, for you to consider what may or may not apply to you. And I would ask that you share your own with me to the same effect."
Ema lets out a bit of a laugh at Desmond's last statement, "When I find some wisdom, I'll be sure to let you know." her black eyes seem almsot to shine as they move back to Alistair, "I don't like to hurt people just because," a smirk, "well, maybe sometimes, but for the most part, my reasons for violence are for the side of law and order. A bounty hunter is a much needed tool for law enforcement, now more then ever, I think. Hurting people for sport or the entertainment of others isn't really my thing, despite what you've no doubt heard or think."
"I haven't heard anything" Alistair smiles, "Except you saying that you might break people by day and mend them by night" he explains, blushing. "But, I meant you could put your energy into a sport like basketball for example - it was just a suggestion" he explains.
"Do not think that you have no wisdom," Desmond rumbles deeply. "All do, for all have new views on the same subjects. Even if it might seem minor.. even common sense to you, it does not mean that it hasn't the power to enlighten." He lifts a hand towards her in a vague gesture. "Even now I am considering the words you speak. They all provide insight into your journey and what is to come."
"I'm defensive, and I apologize, I find i have a bit of a reputation that tends to proceed me. I've made enemies of people who seem to have a lot of friends, so I always jsut assume, wrongly, It seems, that everyone has pre-judged me. I guess i'm just a bit self centered, Hmmms?" she flashes her smile once more, her hands idly sliding her books a few inches to the left and right and she talks, "Well, how about "Don't get involved with magic user with a girl friend."" she smiles, her eyes sort of looking off at nothing in paticular, "Thats about all I got so far."
"Um ... " Alistair averts his gaze and decides not to offer any wisdom whatsoever on the subject, perhaps respecting that evolution-enhanced ability to learn. "Oh, our lives can take us in interesting directions" vague enough it is!
Desmond nods his head slowly. "Tangled affairs of the heart are something I have experience with. I could not say for your own experiences in detail, but it did teach me one truth. When there is something that completes you, you should not let it slip away from you. Even if you cannot have it in the way you wish, there are many ways to be close to another. Friend.. confidant.. lover.. mate. Peace is found in being accepting of what you can have and are given by those who mean the most. Letting go of the intensity of desire is an important step towards balance. Instinct wants without considering beyond itself. Intellect balances with the knowledge of where the boundaries lie."
"I'm gonna let that slide, as I really disagree with it, and this isn't the place for that sorta discusson." Ema eyes narrow on the large cat, "Suffice it to say that wanting someone in that way doesn't always lend itself to having them, or winning them over." she leans back in her chair, her muscule shoulder rolling back, cracking as she sighs, "What do I know, though."
"You may feel better if you throw a party - I do not know if venting is helping you, even if it is relatively mild, but I think a party where you focus on just having fun can be helpful. Eat, drink, talk, dance - something like that" Alistair suggests, shrugging his shoulders a touch. "Also, your shoulders should not be doing that."
Desmond does not seem about to leave it alone, however. At least, not for at least one more exchange. "Pardon, but I do not think I quite explained properly. Allow me to offer an experience." There is a brief pause before he rumbles, "Aimee and I nearly were not one, due to a poor twist of fate. I nearly pushed her away because I would not be satisfied without having all that she is for my own. It was then, at the moment of complete loss that I realized an important truth. That one cannot always have what they wish. And in that, one must look to what they can have, that those who mean much to them are not driven away completely. I was prepared to sacrifice my needs for her happiness and allowing her to make her choices. Even if the choice left me as no more than friend, I would not despair because I would still know her. It is to my fortune that, in the end, she chose me."
A smile finds Emas lips as her eyes close and head tilts back a bit, as if looking at the ceiling, "Would you believe that such activities are much of what caused me to be in my current predicament?" she leans forward, eyes opening, lips curving into her mischievous smile, "Though if you were asking me out..." she changes topics as she leans forward, elbows straddling her pile of books as her chin falls to rest in her hands, "Old injuries that, beyond my own ability to heal, unfortunately. The price I pay for keeping myself at the top of my game." Her face chances then, as she finishes hearing what Desmond has to say, "I'm not sure I'm quite ready to put that much trust in anyone, to put me before themselves. I guess i'm not really looking for that yet, though."
"I would not give Cali a reason to doubt me" Alistair replies, looking back at Emayn, and at Desmond as he relates his story, then back to Emayn. "I am saying you might sumply want to enjoy yourself without the burden of seeking ...something" he explains and shrugs his shoulders a touch once more. "Oooh, old injury, hm."
Desmond nods his head once to Ema. "As I said, I could not speak for your own experience, but I did wish to share my own. The trials I faced, I would not wish to visit on another and I do hope it will aid you should a similar moment face you in the future. It was an important lesson on the fallibility of instinct. My instinct in that moment was to fight. It was the wrong path." There is a sense of relaxation now that he has gotten that out. "A party might be too elaborate. I might offer to share my hobbies with you if you like. Cooking.. art.. they are relaxing and focusing at the same time."
Ema face-palms herself as her head shakes, letting out a small chuckle even as she smiles, "God, I suck at the seeking though, don't I." She rests her chin atop the stack of books as she looks at nothing in particular, arms circling the stack, "I didn't know? And I was mostly kidding?" she offers up, "No, I think I've found the one I want to have fun with, but I'm probably barking up the wrong tree, as the saying goes." She looks up, taking a deep breath, "I've alot of those, comes with the job. Though wether it was the training or a particular injury, I really can't remember." she looks over at Desmond and smirks, "I've no problem focusing or relaxing, usually. I think i need to find some activities that more...exhausting."
Alistair chuckles too, smiling sheepishly, "It's alright, I'm sort of flattered I suppose, after all you were only mostly kidding" he teases lightly, "Oh, hm. Hm" he looks up for a moment, and the back at Emayn, "Miss Ema, you should ask if you are barking up the wrong tree. That would clear everything up right away, though it might be awkward, I suppose. No?" Desmond nods his head once to Ema. "I suspect I could provide that as well. A challenge of skill. I would, of course, promise to restrain my strength. A spar should not be a matter of true injury. And it is too easy to do for one such as myself." Boastful words? Perhaps, though his tone remains simply focused and neutral as he says as much.
Another laugh from Ema, "Oh, I'm good at awkward," she begins, an eyebrow arching at Desmond's comment, "I'm not nearly as fragile as I look, sir." she says, smirking, "And I wouldn't mind a chance to throw down with the best Gen-tech the coalition has to offer." a bard tossed his way, before looking back over at Alistair, "You really think honesty is the best policy in that sorta situation? Isn't the dancing around, and finding out eventually how those things are supposed to go? Seems like i'd be skipping all the fun."
"I did not ... really dance around with Cali, in the way you mean" Alistair comments, color rising in his cheeks ... and rising, and rising ... "Honesty worked really well, and there has been much fun - um" yes, mr. tomato. "But, surely there are exceptions to the rule. On the other hand, it is the rule. Your original predicament was all from dancing around. Not necessarily on your side, either."
"This i do not doubt, but I am stronger than I look. I can, by hand alone, damage military grade alloy," Desmond states. "My capabilities have been tested. Some restraint is necessary, but I have grown very good at it over time. My skill will not be degraded." A promise as he slowly rises from his chair. "I must go now. Aimee will be waiting." He looks to Ema. "Leave me a missive at the Alibi should you wish to share a challenge. We shall learn each other better in the most elemental of ways. Until then, good luck with your seeking." His attention shifts to Alistair as he considers the man briefly before leaving his comments there.
Ema offers a wave Desmond's way, "Exspect it, Desmond" she says with an almost innocent looking smile, "My original predicament was me being up front with what I wanted, asking to make sure it was ok, and then acting on the data I had at the time." Her attention back to Alistair now, head laying, ear on her books as she looks at him sidways, "That was me being up front and honest, and it didn't end well, so i thought I'd try a bit more dancing this time."
"OH! Have a good night" Alistair smiles at Desmond, and waves a hand, "Have fun" he says, nodding his head, and watching the cat-person make his preparations to depart. Looking back at Ema, he points out "As I said, it may not have been on your side. You do not control circumstances and there's nothing you can do about that. It is still the best policy to be honest."
"Your best path is to know someone," Desmond offers. "That is what makes things clear in every respect." One last opinion before he dips his head to the both of them. "May your evening be favorable." With that he rounds the table and starts off on his way at a steady stride.
